Fuck me by Shawnee

Fuck me, why do I always wait until the last minute to set my mind to pen and paper 

when I know the 'deadline' weeks, even month, ahead of time. So, here once again I am

 confronted with the need to get this article ready, but wait this is the process of 

living in community. What a relief to live in a way in which we all try to understand 

the difficulties, shortcomings, strengths, dreams, feelings, hopes, fears and the 

different paths of our family here on the land (and off). In a world poised for war, 

that's anxious of the 'stock market', this place called ZMS is heaven - nirvana. 

I feel luck that the media saturation is so scarce out here in the boondocks. I was 

just recently in San Francisco to spend a couple of weeks of quality time with a frail,

 elderly friend who health seemed to be declining. I got to also visit some old and

 new friends, Damien, Buckwheat, David, Andy, Robin and Iris and some old family 

members from Oregon came down to SF. It was wonderful. We spent a good deal of time 

discussing 'the impending war'. It was being hammered daily by the press, radio and 

TV. It was simply oppressive. Riding the Greyhound I was subjected to a search, my 

body and bags, I didn't feel safe. I was frightened and angry. It really wasn't that 

bad but I could get a sense of what a lot people are feeling. I am so happy to be 

here.

The night before I was ready to leave SF a dear, loved, beautiful friend of many years, 

John, died. Shit! There simply was no warning. I was so glad to have been there and 

spent the last week of my visit with him and my dearest, dearest friend Bette. It was 

so good to be there with Bette during this so very sad time. The bittersweet of life, 

the sadness of the departure, the sweetness of being with one I love during this . . . 

this fucking painful time. I would not have wanted to be anywhere else. Thank you 

Bette for letting me be a part of your life at this time. There was such an enduring 

sweet, sad, bonding, caring, loving, and enlightening experience shared.

This year I have seen so many of the people I hold so dear and have shared so much 

walk through the Veil and I am going to honor them all during the Samhein with a feast.

When I returned home I reflected on my 'familia'. Family means everything to me. I've 

had no relationship with blood family for 30 years and have been fortunate enough to 

a part of a very large and extended family scattered throughout the world. If ever 

there were a place I would like to have them all gathered together it would be here 

at ZMS. I want so much for my family to see and experience this magic place. That is 

what the gatherings are like for me, I am with family. 

John was 16 days older than I was and his passing brought insight of my own morality. 

I work to live life the way he did, laughing, loving, and enjoying life in all aspects

 of working and playing.

I hope one day all my fairie friends and family can come here and let the 'bigger 

world' despair and the fairie spirit celebrate, dance, sing and play together.