And the Community Evolves

It was 6 weeks of idealism, inspiration, and the miraculous workings of our community at ZMS. For once dreams not only looked possible, but were actually happening. Fine arts by fairies at a local gallery, a talent show at ZMS and talks of art and talent shows in other cities, and a few fairies contemplating starting a food co-op in Ramah. Parties, outings, gallery show openings and other social activities too. Well, this kind of potpouri of life continued for a month and a half for me till doubts and questions of peoples sincerity and their motives began to emerge in my mind.

Was everyone truely participating and working in their own way, whether that be physical work that could be seen or some other kind of work that could not be visibly seen. Were some people doing most of the hard dirty work and some people doing the cushy and fun work? Of course such questions ultimately were subjective and what was fun for one individual might be dirty and hard for another individual. And for the people I doubted were these the projections of my own imagination and ego or these judgements of others based on truth? Well, in the end, whether it was based in reality or my imagination didn't matter. My expectations, my disappointments, and consequently, my "anger" was the result. Anger came from my personal judgements. It took me out of the "moment" and into the past or future. It also had me living my life in my head as I conversed with myself with my thoughts. Thankfully, anger didn't hold me in it's grip for long. A beautiful natural healing was occurring in me. It seemed to last 3 days and each cycle would complete itself every 24 hours. First I would experience anger toward some individual or individuals, then a loving feeling of appreciation of the individual(s) in small to sometimes profound ways, and just finding the same individual(s) who I had been angry with now turning loveable.

With geniune appreciation of each fairy it became possible to forgive any perceived or misperceived (on my part) short-comings of any individual(s). I soon began to notice some discribeable virtues each fairy had as well as their indiscribeable virtues they had. Some of those qualities I felt or intuitively knew. Some I witnessed with my eyes as their emotions were expressed through their bodies or lovely voices. To live with each human's inspirations and virtues I could live forever with in such company. To live with the shadow side of my fellow humans for any length of time would have to be questionable at least for some individual(s). Perhaps I could geniunely dismiss it; perhaps the cycle I experienced  recently in healing such situations and the process would repeat itself and perhaps I couldn't live with it at all. I don't know. My experience is sometimes some people are changeable in their relationship with each other and sometimes not. A positive change I had with one fairy occurred in an encounter I had at another sanctuary a year and a half ago. It was at a heart circle in which anger, even though it lasted a few moments, for each of us would set in stone what our relationship would be. Funny, a few days later I was having a loving feeling towards him and on an intuitively level I didn't feel the anamosity I felt from him before. That original heart circles healing quality seems to have transcended space and time. A shared experience of both of us sometime later changed our opinion in  big ways of each other.

When the same fairy appeared at ZMS recently he expressed to me his appreciation of me and I expressed my appreciation of him. Two people growing, maturing, evolving. And I see our community at ZMS growing, maturing and evolving.

By Bennett